I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
