Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize