1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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