Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
