next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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