Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
