please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize