Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
