Your face is a jimmy john
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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