R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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