You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
