And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
