bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
