If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
