Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
