I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
