oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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