i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize