he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
