I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
