kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
