They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize