If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
