The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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