i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize