Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There's even glitter on my cock...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
