it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
