dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
do herpes really smell.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
