I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can I color on your dick again?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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