Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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