before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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