That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
third nipple confirmed
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
