I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The adults are the big ones right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
