I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
