she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
