Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize