Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
