im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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