So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
