You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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