chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
