At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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