he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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