i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
