I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize