we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
