I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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