he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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