I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You made out with two different species that night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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