I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
