Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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