i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Blood and glitter go together right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
