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its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
