my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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