in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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