So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
