i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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