We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
