Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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