Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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