i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
