I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
