it hurts more in the daytime
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
