i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
