It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I supernannyed him into submission
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
