found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
