i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had sex on a roof
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
