My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Everything about him screamed your future.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
