When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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