Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
