I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
