Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my phone needs a breathalizer
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
