Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
