if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
