At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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