I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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