i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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