My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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