3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
