yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize