totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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