hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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