Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
