Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
