brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
