Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
