Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
