Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
