you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
