I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
