I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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