Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
