so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
