I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
