When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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