didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
