It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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