My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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