i would punch a child for taco bell
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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