He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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