this just has baby written all over it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
