Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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