there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
