If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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