An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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