Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
