she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
