So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
